Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category

Jack Brook: Monster Slayer

Jack Brook: Monster Slayer

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer was a fantastic film to watch. It kept my attention all the way through with the action, comedy and horror.  Trevor Matthews played the role of Jack Brooks perfectly. His outbursts and anger issues made this movie that much better.

Monster Slayer is about a kid who witnessed his family get killed by a monster (Werewolf looking thing) while camping. Now he’s grown up and feels like he should have done something and has major anger issues. He sees a phsychiatrist to help him but that doesn’t work one bit. It’s great to see though… You’ll laugh your ass off. So his professor, Robert Englund, unleashes a curse from a box he finds in his backyard and gets turned into….well some kind of monster. I’m not really sure what it is but it looks pretty cool and it’s hungry. Jack then takes it upon himself to stop the monsters. And that’s all there is to it.

I would recommend this movie to anyone looking for both a horror and comedy at the same time. It’s a pretty predictable film, but that doesn’t stop it from being very fun to watch. The comedy isn’t something like “Shaun of the Dead” so don’t think this is like that at all. It’s more of a verbal comedy by the way he acts and what he says.

If you watch this movie just enjoy it for what it is and don’t analyze everything little thing that goes on in it. If you take that advice, you will not be disappointed. Overall, I would give this a B. Will I watch it again? You betcha! If you can find it at at redbox or have netflix, don’t pass this one up. And now for your favorite part of my reviews…

What you will learn from Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

1. A rubber spear will not stop a monster.

2. Mr. Wong’s eggrolls are actually pretty good.

3. Joining a badminton team will help you stop headbutting people.

4. If someone cuts you off on the road, you should pull over and meditate.

5. Don’t pick up beating hearts you find in a wooden box in your backyard.

Purchase This Movie On Amazon.com

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The Midnight Hour

Posted: September 29, 2010 in Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller
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The Midnight Hour

The Midnight Hour

Let me start off by saying that The Midnight Hour sort of reminded me of the Monster Squad. Not nearly as good but still fun to watch. If you like 80’s zombie and vampire movie’s then I recommend you watch this. Do you want the quick summary? Ok…you got it.

It’s about a group of high school kids that unleash a curse on Halloween night…Go Figure. That sounds so familiar doesn’t it. The kids steal a chest from a basement at a museum to get their Halloween costumes and find a sealed scroll inside. Well being the curious teens they were of course broke the wax seal and read it in the spooky graveyard. Why not right? Seems to me like the logical place.

So after waking the dead, they decide to go to a party. The main character (Phil) realizes he has no shot with the girl he’s in love with so he leaves and meets a hot zombie cheerleader (Sandra) that falls in love with him. So he makes out with her for a little bit in the back seat of his car. But wait.. A werewolf then jumps on the car and scares them. bwahahaha. So they tell the police but of course they don’t believe them…I mean come ‘on would you? Oh, the police captain is played by Red Foreman from “That 70’s Show”. Yeah, he’s a dick in this as well.

At this point Phil finally realized they woke the dead for real and he’s on a mission to stop it. They have to re-seal the scroll with wax and a ring by midnight. Sounds pretty easy to me… Well everyone at the party ends up getting bitten by the head Vampire (Lucinda) except for Phil and Sandra. When they get back to the party, the Zombies sing a song, which is exactly like Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. and then chase after them back to the graveyard. They re-seal the scroll in the car and the zombies along with his dead girlfriend disappears. THE END!

Now doesn’t that just sound like an awesome Movie!? HAHA

Well I encourage you to watch it because it is rather enjoyable. The Plot is ok, the acting is ok, and the music is ok. I’m not exactly sure what the Opera singing near the end had to do with anything but whatever. There was also a part at the party in the basement when Lucinda bites a girl and the wine bottles decide to have a mind of their own. Look for it and you’ll laugh!!!  I’ll give this one a B– because this is definitely a B-Movie.

What you will learn from “The Midnight Hour”

1) Ketchup is a good alternative for blood.

2) Dead cheerleaders don’t decay.

3) Zombie midgets are a lot cooler wearing sunglasses.

4) The choreography at the end is almost identical to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.

5) Sparkly Tinsel wigs will give you a rash.

6) If you drive real slow, zombies won’t notice you.

7) Rob Owens’ baseball card is best used in the spokes of a kids bike.

Witchboard

Posted: September 27, 2010 in Horror, Thriller
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Witchboard

Witchboard

Growing up in the 1980’s, this was a great film and scarred the hell out of me.  When I see it now, I simply want to laugh at how ridiculously not scary this is.

This is a great movie though for anyone with an 90 minutes of free time on their hands looking for some good entertainment. Witchboard is about a demon that tries to possess a woman through a Ouija board. See…that wasn’t so bad now was it.  Simple and to the point.

I would have to say that for being made in 1986, they did a good job with the effects and making it look realistic. The acting was really poor but what do you really expect from an 80’s film. So they play the Ouija board and talk to some spirit (David) and the next thing you know people are dying. The plot?.. Well, the boyfriend (Jim) tries to stop the demon from possessing Linda. Pheeew… that was difficult.

One of the big errors I noticed in this movie was towards the end when Brandon gets an axe to the forehead bu then when you see him again, it’s on his cheek.

I guess what I’m saying is that if you want a good scary movie and you’re 8 years old, check this out. If you’re looking for some late night fun and you’re over 8 years old, check this out. Either way it is a fun and entertaining movie that is worth checking out. I’ll give it a B- for an 80’s movie.

What you will learn from “Witchboard”

1) The Ouija board comes from the French and German words “Yes”, Pronounced Wee-ja

2) Everyone needs a little psychic humor.

3) If you throw a Ouija board out the window, it will land perfectly in the garbage can.

4) The spirits are lousy spellers

The Toxic Avenger

Posted: September 27, 2010 in Horror, Sci-Fi
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The Toxic Avenger

The Toxic Avenger

If you haven’t seen The Toxic Avenger, you should stop reading this and go watch it right now! While it is one of the cheesiest and stupid movies of all time, it is also one of the best.

If you are a fan of 80’s B-movie genre’s, then you will absolutely love this. To sum it up, it’s about a nerdy kid that gets picked on and eventually jumps out of a window into a drum of toxic waste that just so happens to not have a lid on it. How convenient huh… He then turns into a monster, aka The Toxic Avenger, and starts killing all the bad guys.

Now the people in this movie are all fucked up…Have you ever heard that game teenagers play when there driving that’s like, “hit the old lady and get 10 points, hit the kid and get 20 points?” Well that’s exactly what this guy Bozo does. He runs over a kid on a bike but notices he’s not dead and won’t get his full points so he runs over him again and splatters his head. Then they take a picture of it. Yeah…it’s that cool!

Once you hear the voice over for the Toxic Avenger, you’ll laugh your ass off. One minute you hear him growling and groaning and then next you hear this subtle voice. It’s hilarious! The way the Avenger kills people too is classic. I’m not going to spoil anyof them for you so you’re just going to have to watch it. Trust me though, you’ll thank me you did.

This movie is not going to be for everyone though. If you don’t like gore or violence I would stay away from this. If you take this movie seriously, you won’t like it. If you take it for how it is and expect the worst, you will love it. This movie definitely deserves an A…but not for any real reason. See for yourself! Long live the Troma Team! Enjoy

What will you learn from “The Toxic Avenger”

1) If you get into a fight with the him, you will most likely get hit in the balls.

2) Tutu’s don’t burn if your car explodes.

3) Doing sit-ups while smoking is a great way to stay in shape.

4) You get 28 points if you run over a kid on a bike.

5) Midgets fit in washing machines.

6) Toxic waste does not need to be in sealed containers.

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Horror
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A Nightmare On Elm Street

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Hmmmm….Where to begin with this one. I watched this last night thinking it was going to be good. The outcome? Well, I was very disappointed.

First off the acting was not very good at all. I’m sorry but you just can’t replace Robert Englund as Freddy! The rest of the cast was pretty bad too, Especially Nancy’s mom. Wow was that a disaster. On to Freddy….Freddy didn’t even come close to looking like the original Freddy. He looked more like a burned sock puppet. It was pretty sad. Where did they find this guy???

Whenever I watch a horror movie I always get excited and can’t wait for the death scenes. The deaths scenes in here were pretty lame. Compared to the remake of Friday the 13th, this seemed like it was edited for TV or something. The Original was more gruesome and graphic. I don’t think they really put any effort in to making this actually scary or anything.

If I was Robert Englund, I would be very pissed off about this movie. I really hope Hollywood doesn’t remake another one of these.

I wouldn’t recommend anyone seeing this movie in the theater even if you are a huge horror fan. And believe me, I AM! Wait till it comes out on DVD.

At best its a C+

Zombies Of Mass Destruction

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Comedy, Horror
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Zombies of Mass Destruction

Zombies of Mass Destruction

To be honest with you, I actually kind of enjoyed watching this film. I was skeptical at first about watching this movie strictly because of the name itself. Don’t let the poor name lead you away though. It’s not laugh out loud funny or scary in any way but there are parts that made me laugh. Although, I’m not quite sure if I was supposed to or not.

For a low budget film, I was quite impressed. I’d have to say as far as the graphics went, they did a really good job. The plot on the other hand could have been a little better. I think they could have elaborated more on where the zombies actually came from though.

For people that love zombie movies, this will be right up your alley. It’s not nearly as good as Zombieland or Shaun Of The Dead but it definitely worth a watch.

For a Zombie Comedy (Zomedy), I give it a B-

The Wolfman

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Horror
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The Wolfman

The Wolfman

I went in to this movie with really high expectations which was probably the reason why I didn’t really care for it. Now don’t get me wrong, I love horror movies but The Wolfman just didn’t do it for me. It wasn’t really scary at all in my opinion.

At one point, the wolfman actually looked like one of the apes from “Planet of the Apes”. Hmmmm…. not very wolfish. Also, towards the end of the movie when the two wolfmen were fighting, I couldn’t tell who was who. They both looked exactly the same. How is anyone supposed to know who is winning and who to root for. I sure as hell didn’t.

I think if there was more action and more scary or death scenes, the movie would have been that much better. I probably won’t be watching this again for a very long time. Benicio Del Toro acting was good, but he could have done just a little bit better.

Overall, for a horror movie, I would give it a C+. Maybe, just maybe a B-

If your a big horror buff like me then I would say take a chance at renting it, otherwise wait till it on tv and watch it for free.