Archive for September, 2010

The Midnight Hour

Posted: September 29, 2010 in Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller
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The Midnight Hour

The Midnight Hour

Let me start off by saying that The Midnight Hour sort of reminded me of the Monster Squad. Not nearly as good but still fun to watch. If you like 80’s zombie and vampire movie’s then I recommend you watch this. Do you want the quick summary? Ok…you got it.

It’s about a group of high school kids that unleash a curse on Halloween night…Go Figure. That sounds so familiar doesn’t it. The kids steal a chest from a basement at a museum to get their Halloween costumes and find a sealed scroll inside. Well being the curious teens they were of course broke the wax seal and read it in the spooky graveyard. Why not right? Seems to me like the logical place.

So after waking the dead, they decide to go to a party. The main character (Phil) realizes he has no shot with the girl he’s in love with so he leaves and meets a hot zombie cheerleader (Sandra) that falls in love with him. So he makes out with her for a little bit in the back seat of his car. But wait.. A werewolf then jumps on the car and scares them. bwahahaha. So they tell the police but of course they don’t believe them…I mean come ‘on would you? Oh, the police captain is played by Red Foreman from “That 70’s Show”. Yeah, he’s a dick in this as well.

At this point Phil finally realized they woke the dead for real and he’s on a mission to stop it. They have to re-seal the scroll with wax and a ring by midnight. Sounds pretty easy to me… Well everyone at the party ends up getting bitten by the head Vampire (Lucinda) except for Phil and Sandra. When they get back to the party, the Zombies sing a song, which is exactly like Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. and then chase after them back to the graveyard. They re-seal the scroll in the car and the zombies along with his dead girlfriend disappears. THE END!

Now doesn’t that just sound like an awesome Movie!? HAHA

Well I encourage you to watch it because it is rather enjoyable. The Plot is ok, the acting is ok, and the music is ok. I’m not exactly sure what the Opera singing near the end had to do with anything but whatever. There was also a part at the party in the basement when Lucinda bites a girl and the wine bottles decide to have a mind of their own. Look for it and you’ll laugh!!!  I’ll give this one a B– because this is definitely a B-Movie.

What you will learn from “The Midnight Hour”

1) Ketchup is a good alternative for blood.

2) Dead cheerleaders don’t decay.

3) Zombie midgets are a lot cooler wearing sunglasses.

4) The choreography at the end is almost identical to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.

5) Sparkly Tinsel wigs will give you a rash.

6) If you drive real slow, zombies won’t notice you.

7) Rob Owens’ baseball card is best used in the spokes of a kids bike.

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Witchboard

Posted: September 27, 2010 in Horror, Thriller
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Witchboard

Witchboard

Growing up in the 1980’s, this was a great film and scarred the hell out of me.  When I see it now, I simply want to laugh at how ridiculously not scary this is.

This is a great movie though for anyone with an 90 minutes of free time on their hands looking for some good entertainment. Witchboard is about a demon that tries to possess a woman through a Ouija board. See…that wasn’t so bad now was it.  Simple and to the point.

I would have to say that for being made in 1986, they did a good job with the effects and making it look realistic. The acting was really poor but what do you really expect from an 80’s film. So they play the Ouija board and talk to some spirit (David) and the next thing you know people are dying. The plot?.. Well, the boyfriend (Jim) tries to stop the demon from possessing Linda. Pheeew… that was difficult.

One of the big errors I noticed in this movie was towards the end when Brandon gets an axe to the forehead bu then when you see him again, it’s on his cheek.

I guess what I’m saying is that if you want a good scary movie and you’re 8 years old, check this out. If you’re looking for some late night fun and you’re over 8 years old, check this out. Either way it is a fun and entertaining movie that is worth checking out. I’ll give it a B- for an 80’s movie.

What you will learn from “Witchboard”

1) The Ouija board comes from the French and German words “Yes”, Pronounced Wee-ja

2) Everyone needs a little psychic humor.

3) If you throw a Ouija board out the window, it will land perfectly in the garbage can.

4) The spirits are lousy spellers

The Toxic Avenger

Posted: September 27, 2010 in Horror, Sci-Fi
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The Toxic Avenger

The Toxic Avenger

If you haven’t seen The Toxic Avenger, you should stop reading this and go watch it right now! While it is one of the cheesiest and stupid movies of all time, it is also one of the best.

If you are a fan of 80’s B-movie genre’s, then you will absolutely love this. To sum it up, it’s about a nerdy kid that gets picked on and eventually jumps out of a window into a drum of toxic waste that just so happens to not have a lid on it. How convenient huh… He then turns into a monster, aka The Toxic Avenger, and starts killing all the bad guys.

Now the people in this movie are all fucked up…Have you ever heard that game teenagers play when there driving that’s like, “hit the old lady and get 10 points, hit the kid and get 20 points?” Well that’s exactly what this guy Bozo does. He runs over a kid on a bike but notices he’s not dead and won’t get his full points so he runs over him again and splatters his head. Then they take a picture of it. Yeah…it’s that cool!

Once you hear the voice over for the Toxic Avenger, you’ll laugh your ass off. One minute you hear him growling and groaning and then next you hear this subtle voice. It’s hilarious! The way the Avenger kills people too is classic. I’m not going to spoil anyof them for you so you’re just going to have to watch it. Trust me though, you’ll thank me you did.

This movie is not going to be for everyone though. If you don’t like gore or violence I would stay away from this. If you take this movie seriously, you won’t like it. If you take it for how it is and expect the worst, you will love it. This movie definitely deserves an A…but not for any real reason. See for yourself! Long live the Troma Team! Enjoy

What will you learn from “The Toxic Avenger”

1) If you get into a fight with the him, you will most likely get hit in the balls.

2) Tutu’s don’t burn if your car explodes.

3) Doing sit-ups while smoking is a great way to stay in shape.

4) You get 28 points if you run over a kid on a bike.

5) Midgets fit in washing machines.

6) Toxic waste does not need to be in sealed containers.

Machete

Machete

Where to begin with Machete? Well I was expecting this to be pretty good considering I typically like Robert Rodriguez’s style and films. I’m sorry to say that this one really didn’t do it for me though. While it wasn’t a bad movie, I just don’t think it met all the expectations I had given it. It was enjoyable though.

Machete started off really bad in my opinion but it did get slightly better down the road. The casting agent should be fired for choosing some of the actors/actresses in this film. I mean come on, Steven Seagal…really? He wasn’t a good actor in the past so what idiot thinks he’s going to be good now. You’ll laugh your ass off when you see him walk in and speak with a horrible accent. Now some of the movies he did in the past (Under Siege) I like, but not because of his acting talent.

And then there’s Jessica Alba…Another one that should not be in this movie. It’s like they picked people that aren’t mexican on purpose and had them try and act like they were mexican. The acting by everyone was awful. Danny Trejo is the only one that deserves to be in this at all. He did a good (not great) job.

The plot of the movie was just ok. Was it original? Not a chance! The action and violence was good but this movie just needed something a little more. I guess the cast and acting is what brings down this movie the most.

I’m sure there’s going to be those people out there that are like “Wow, Lindsay Lohan gets naked! This is the best movie ever! ”  That is great don’t get me wrong, but don’t take that into consideration when choosing to see this. You should really only see this if you are a Robert Rodriguez or Quinten Tarantino fan and like their styles.

The dialogue in Machete was just flat out bad. It’s humorous though so some will probably like it. It’s reminds me of one of those bad 80’s movie’s you can’t help but watch even though they’re terrible. Yeah it’s that good…

So overall I thought the film was just OK. I knew what I was getting myself into and knew that it was supposed to be made like this so that is was kept me going. If you’re expecting a great Hollywood film that’s serious, stay far far away.

It deserves a C+ overall. B+ for action and violence but a D for the cast.

Eagle Eye

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Action/Adventure, Thriller
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Eagle Eye

Eagle Eye

Eagle Eye is just an all out great film.  From the moment it starts to the moment it ends you will be entertained to the fullest. Shia LaBeouf ( Jerry) does an excellent job in this along side of Michelle Monaghan (Rachel).

If you liked “Live Free or Die Hard”, then you can’t pass this one up! The action scenes were great and there actually was a plot (unlike some movies I’ve seen). Now I wouldn’t say it was the most original movie I have ever seen but it definitely was a treat to watch.

I wish Hollywood would make more movies that are as fun and enjoyable as this one. Non-stop action, great acting, and overall good storyline leads to success. I’m wondering why this movie didn’t get more hype.

Take it from me, go watch Eagle Eye and you won’t be disappointed. Overall I would rate it an A-

So I’ve decided to add a new fun little section in my reviews about people that obviously don’t know movies. Maybe I’ll make it a category and you can read the dumb shit people say but here is the first…

I was reading some reviews on netflix that people were saying and this one guy that didn’t like Eagle Eye actually said, “It could have used a giant spider at the end, I think.” Wow, ok so he’s completely retarded if you ask me. That doesn’t even make sense! So to all you readers out there, don’t always listen to reviews coming from people who know diddly-squat about movies. Trust in someone who actually watched the movie and not just the trailer.

See…wasn’t that fun! Stay tuned for more…

The Losers

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Action/Adventure
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The Losers

The Losers

I think this movie (The Losers) could have been much better if it had better actors. While it wasn’t the worst movie i’ve seen in a while, it certainly wasn’t great by any means.

First off, the plot was just OK. Basically a bunch of military guys want revenge on Max for killing 25 of kids in a helicopter. Yeah i know, it sounds kinda stupid…but it could be worse.

Oh, for those of you out there that don’t know my review style, I never go into the whole plot on any of my movie reviews because you can read the synopsis of the movie on imdb or any other site out there.

With that note, the characters, especially Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Clay) were pretty bad. He’s supposed to be in charge yet he seems like a big dope. Picture the dopey brother from “Everybody loves Raymond” and that’s what he reminds you of. For a military guy that’s supposed to be a bad-ass, he’s really just a big pussy. He doesn’t do any cool stunts or have any great action scenes. He just stands there and somehow hooks up with the girl…go figure. As for the rest of characters, the only one I really like was Chris Evans (yeah the guy from Fantastic Four). Although…he pretty much plays the same character in this as he did in F4.

Would I recommend people seeing this movie? Well it’s not that bad to watch if there’s nothing else on. I guess to rent it for a dollar at red-box is ok just be sure to return it the next day. Anything more than a $1 is a waste. There are a LOT of better movies out there that I would rather recommend you seeing if you haven’t yet..action wise. (Shooter, The Bourne Trilogy)

I would give this a D+

If the ending wasn’t such a bomb, I might even give the a C-, but trust me, the ending will disappoint you..It just ends!

Come ‘on Hollywood, get your act together…I could have done a better job with my eyes closed.

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Horror
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A Nightmare On Elm Street

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Hmmmm….Where to begin with this one. I watched this last night thinking it was going to be good. The outcome? Well, I was very disappointed.

First off the acting was not very good at all. I’m sorry but you just can’t replace Robert Englund as Freddy! The rest of the cast was pretty bad too, Especially Nancy’s mom. Wow was that a disaster. On to Freddy….Freddy didn’t even come close to looking like the original Freddy. He looked more like a burned sock puppet. It was pretty sad. Where did they find this guy???

Whenever I watch a horror movie I always get excited and can’t wait for the death scenes. The deaths scenes in here were pretty lame. Compared to the remake of Friday the 13th, this seemed like it was edited for TV or something. The Original was more gruesome and graphic. I don’t think they really put any effort in to making this actually scary or anything.

If I was Robert Englund, I would be very pissed off about this movie. I really hope Hollywood doesn’t remake another one of these.

I wouldn’t recommend anyone seeing this movie in the theater even if you are a huge horror fan. And believe me, I AM! Wait till it comes out on DVD.

At best its a C+

Zombies Of Mass Destruction

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Comedy, Horror
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Zombies of Mass Destruction

Zombies of Mass Destruction

To be honest with you, I actually kind of enjoyed watching this film. I was skeptical at first about watching this movie strictly because of the name itself. Don’t let the poor name lead you away though. It’s not laugh out loud funny or scary in any way but there are parts that made me laugh. Although, I’m not quite sure if I was supposed to or not.

For a low budget film, I was quite impressed. I’d have to say as far as the graphics went, they did a really good job. The plot on the other hand could have been a little better. I think they could have elaborated more on where the zombies actually came from though.

For people that love zombie movies, this will be right up your alley. It’s not nearly as good as Zombieland or Shaun Of The Dead but it definitely worth a watch.

For a Zombie Comedy (Zomedy), I give it a B-

The Wolfman

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Horror
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The Wolfman

The Wolfman

I went in to this movie with really high expectations which was probably the reason why I didn’t really care for it. Now don’t get me wrong, I love horror movies but The Wolfman just didn’t do it for me. It wasn’t really scary at all in my opinion.

At one point, the wolfman actually looked like one of the apes from “Planet of the Apes”. Hmmmm…. not very wolfish. Also, towards the end of the movie when the two wolfmen were fighting, I couldn’t tell who was who. They both looked exactly the same. How is anyone supposed to know who is winning and who to root for. I sure as hell didn’t.

I think if there was more action and more scary or death scenes, the movie would have been that much better. I probably won’t be watching this again for a very long time. Benicio Del Toro acting was good, but he could have done just a little bit better.

Overall, for a horror movie, I would give it a C+. Maybe, just maybe a B-

If your a big horror buff like me then I would say take a chance at renting it, otherwise wait till it on tv and watch it for free.

The Other Guys

Posted: September 23, 2010 in Comedy
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The Other Guys

The Other Guys

I recently watched this disaster of a movie thinking that it might be kind of funny. Boy was I wrong!

Will Farrell and Mark Wahlberg should not have been casted in this movie! I repeat…Will Farrell and Mark Wahlberg should NOT have been casted in this movie!

Neither one of them made me laugh at all. It was a very cheesy plot, the acting was horrible, and the directing sucked as well. I’m not exactly sure what the writers and producers were thinking when they thought that this would be a good film.

First of all, I like seeing Mark Wahlberg in films where he’s playing more of a bad-ass. Like Shooter, Fear, or Four Brothers. He has no business being in a comedy…well at least not this one. “The Big Hit” was Ok. As for Will Farrell, He acts his typical self like he does in every movie. I’m not a real big fan of him either so that really doesn’t help the situation. The movie had a lame plot (I don’t even remember it entirely, that’s how boring it was) and bad supporting actors. When you try to be TOO funny, it just isn’t. Bottom Line!

So was there anything good about this film? Well, not really. The wooden gun was a little funny for about 1/2 a second, then it got old real fast. I’m also pleased to say that I didn’t have to witness Vince Vaughn in this. He would have only made it worse…which is hard because it already sucked.

I would rather be standing in line at the DMV than have to watch this again. Anyone that thinks that is funny is smoking something really good!

I won’t recommend this to anyone! D- on my scale and that’s being polite. If you don’t believe me, find out for yourself.